


Dear Katniss

by Pretenditwasjustadream



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 10:24:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1547273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pretenditwasjustadream/pseuds/Pretenditwasjustadream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of letters Peeta wrote to Katniss but didn't send. Takes place at the end of Mockingjay before the epiloge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I got the idea to use letters to tell Peeta's recovery story a long while ago. I hope enjoy them.  
> ~ Pretetenditwasjustadream

Dear Katniss,

We haven't spoken in a while. I mean, with you in 12 and me in 13, I guess that's what happens. I keep thinking about you. I miss you. I would come home, but I think that it would be best for both of us to have some space for now, so you can deal with your losses and I can continue to get better.

Everyone here says hi. Beetee went home to District 3 yesterday, he seems to be doing okay. Johanna is the still the same old Johannah. She seems to have taken in Annie and they plan on going back to District 4 after Annie has the baby. Annie is still a little lost. Losing Finnick was really hard on her.

She didn't talk for days, and barely left her apartment weeks. And I guess Johanna decided it was her duty to take care of her with Finnick gone.

Life's finally starting to go back to normal. People are trying to forget. But that's the thing that I am beginning to realize. That for no matter how long people try to forget and move along, people are still going to have battle scars. Mental and physical. People might stop talking about the war and the Games, but no one's going to stop thinking about them.

And that's a good and bad thing. I mean, we should never forget what happened because it's who we are. It would be forgetting Rue and Prim. It would be forgetting Finnick, Thresh, Foxface, and Wiress. It would be forgetting ourselves. It would be forgetting us. And I don't to forget about any of those people, let alone you. I really don't want to forget about us, but that's up to you. You know where I am if you need me.

Your Fellow Victor,

Peeta Mellark.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Katniss,

Annie had her baby three days ago. An adorable baby boy named Alden. Alden Odair. And he looks so much like Finnick that it's unbelievable. He doesn't have a lot of hair, but what he does have is the same copper-ish color of Finnick's. Everybody adores baby Odair. Johanna and I keep telling Annie that Finnick would have loved him to death.

Johanna is going to be leaving here soon and will be making her way to District 4 to get Annie's house ready for Alden and Annie. Then she will come back here to get the two of them, and bring them home. Then it will be only me.

I was talking to my doctors and they decided I could finally come home. I could see you and Haymitch once again. I really thought about it, but U don't think I could face it yet. I din't think I could return to the place where my entire family burned to ash. Im just not ready for that. And I don't know if I ever will be.

Your Fellow Victor,

Peeta Mellark


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Katniss,

It's been two months since I last saw you. Two months since you shot Coin. Two months since Prim died. You must be thinking about it a lot. I have. She was almost like a little sister to me after our first Games were done. She died young, but gallantly. She died trying to hep others.

I saw it. The flames that enveloped her were bright, just like the sun. I saw you, too. You ran to her, through the burning flames. I don't know what I would have done if you were lost too. You and Haymitch are all I have left. It's sickly funny how she escaped the flames of District 12, but she burned to death anyway.

I'm sorry Katniss. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry for anything and everything I have ever done that has hurt you. I'm sorry. Maybe I'll come home soon. Goodbye for now, Katniss.

Your Fellow Victor,

Peeta Mellark


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Katniss,

I'm starting to think maybe I can come home. With everything settling down, I realized I should try to get back on track. And to do that, I should go back to what I know. And the only thing I'm sure of is where I come from. District 12 has always, and will always be my home.

I don't know when I'll be back, probably within the next couple weeks. It will be nice to see you and Haymitch again. I plan on rebuilding the bakery when I get there.

My attacks are happening less frequently. Definitely not as often as they did when you were still in 13. So I should be able to run it with no problem. I have to go now. I promise I'll be home soon. I promise.

You Fellow Victor,

Peta Mellark


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Katniss,

As I write this, I am siting on the train, on my way back to District 12. All I have with me is the notebook I'm writing this in, the pen I'm writing this with, and myself. I don't know what I will do when I get home, I will most likely stop by Haymitch's place to make sure he isn't dead. I don't know if I should visit you yet. I don't want to trigger another attack. I don't want to hurt you again.

I will never forgive myself for that. Never. Just like I will never forgive myself for tricking Foxface, and like you won't ever forgive yourself for killing Marvel. And how Haymitch will never forgive himself for breaking the alliance with Mayslee Donner in his Games. We will always punish ourselves for things we had to do. And now we all have to live with the consequences. But remember, we aren't the only ones that have to go through this. We have to move on, and that's why I'm coming home. I'm facing the music. I will see you soon Katniss .

Your Fellow Victor,

Peeta Mellark


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Katniss,

I have been home for a week and I have yet to see you. Like I said in the last letter, I don't want to hurt you. I checked up on Haymitch before heading to my house. Thankfully, he hasn't drank himself to death yet. There are even more things for him to want to forget. His games, the kids he has mentored, their deaths, the death of his family, our games, our second games, the rebellion. They all add up. All the little things count. They all hurt.

I wish I could choose what I can remember and what I can forget. It would make things a lot easier, but at the same time harder. I don't know if you remember, but in my very first letter to you, I said forgetting is a bad thing. That our past makes us who we are right now, at this very point in time. But, forgetting can be good. It can make all the pain go away. All the nightmares. All the regret could disappear if I could forget everything that happened in the past three years.

But if I did that, hypothetically speaking, if I chose to forget everything, would I still be the same person I am now? Would I be the Peeta Mellark everybody knows? Or would I be a sick and twisted brain washed capitol toy? I don't know, and I guess it's a good thing we can't find out.

Anyway, that's all I have say for right now. Bye Katniss. I'll see you soon.

Your Fellow Victor,

Peeta Mellark


	7. Chapter 7

ear Katniss,

I have an idea, but I'm not sure you will like it. After you think about it you might, but not at first. I think that we should plant flowers. But not any flowers. Primroses were what I had in mind. In the last letter I talked about how I'm not a hero, and that I shouldn't be called one, but Prim. Prim does deserve to be named a hero.

At the age of thirteen, she went onto a battlefield to help dyeing children. And not even children from the districts. Not children on our own side. She did this knowing there would be guns firing, explosions ringing out across the land, and people dropping dead all around her. She was thirteen. Just thirteen. She's the real hero. Not you, not me, not Coin, nor Paylor. She was a hero. Just remember that. I said this before an I will say it again. She died gallantly.

I still haven't seen you, so I haven't asked if planting the flowers are okay, but I start the work tomorrow, right in front of your house. I hope you don't mind. I bet you won't. Well, I will see you tomorrow, hopefully. Good bye, Katniss.

Your Fellow Victor,

Peeta Mellark


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Katniss,

After two and a half months, I have finally spoken to you again. I felt great planting the flowers. I was honoring Prim. She will be remembered whenever you or I see the bright yellow petals. But what felt even better was when you were hugging me. I felt complete for once in a long time. Holding you in my arms once again. I could finally smile.

But then you told me you had to go, and it killed me to watch you walk away and close your door behind you. I only saw you for five minutes after two months, and you walked away. I realize that it's not the last time that I will ever see you, and I know you live across the street from me, but it pained me when I heard the heavy door click shut behind you.

After you left, I finished the job, which only took about two hours, then I went home myself. I didn't know what to do at first. I visited Haymitch today. Did you know he decided to start raising geese? Well he is. Let's see how that turns out, shall we? Well, that's all for now, Katniss. See you again soon.

Your Fellow Victor,

Peeta Mellark


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Katniss,

I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but I can hear you scream while you are having a nightmare from across the street. It kills me to know that you are suffering. I haven't seen you leave your house at all. Maybe hunting would help you, just like painting helps me. The problem is, only you can help yourself. Haymitch and I can't force you to get out into the woods with a bow in your hand and you game bag over your shoulder. You have to be the one to do that yourself.

Anyway, you probably don't know that plans to start rebuilding the bakery have started to be developed. It's not going to in the same place as the last one , it's going to be closer to my house in Victors Village, about a walking time of five minutes. That way I won't have to get up as early in the mornings, and will be able to get home at a reasonable hour too. Things are finally going back to normal. I hope we will too, you and I.

Here's the thing Katniss, I still love you. I don't know if you feel the same, or even if we can go back to being in a relationship. What I said and did to you in 13 can never be undone. I can't take back calling you a murderer and a mutt, and I can't take back almost killing you. And if you can forgive me for that, I would love it, but if you can't I understand. I love you Katniss. I love you so much.

Your Fellow Victor,

Peeta Mellark


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Katniss,

You should really call Dr. Aurelius. Waking up three or four times a night isn't good. That's why I came over today, to tell you that. But I didn't. No, instead we started talking about what happened in District 13. And then we kissed.

I didn't plan on kissing you, though. I promise. You didn't seem to mind too much. I surprised you. I surprised myself. And I thought that you were going to make me go home, but you didn't. You just pretended it didn't happen. And I guess I can't blame you. After everything you have been through, I don't expect you to be ready for a relationship just yet.

Maybe you never will. Maybe I should just give up on us. If I can't be with you Katniss, I don't want to be with anyone else. Maybe I'll end up like Haymitch raising geese and what not. Oh, that would be the life (I hope you know I'm joking about that last part) . Well, Katniss, I have to go now. I will write again soon.

Your Fellow Victor,

Peeta Mellark


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place about six months after the last one.

Dear Katniss,

The bakery opened today, but you know that, of course. When the ribbon cutting ceremony was over, I saw you out of the corner of my eye. I saw a flash of your black hair, which reminds me of a ravens wing. I saw your gray eyes, almost like silver. I wanted to pull you out of the crowd right then. But I didn't do it then.

When I went inside to help customers, I saw you then in the shop. Looking at the cakes. It reminded me of when we were in the cave. All those bittersweet sweet memories came rushing back. I knew right then that I had to hold you. To feel you in my arms once again. I drifted away from my place at the register and mindlessly walked to you.

When I got close enough to smell the scent of earth and pine that seems to follow you where ever you go, I snapped into reality. I had one hand one your shoulder and I knew that there was no going back. We talked for an uninterrupted hour before the words slipped out of my mouth. But when I saw your eyes light up and a smile appear on your face, I knew that you didn't mind that I said I love you in a public place.

And it's okay that you didn't say it back, you made that up to me when you agreed to have dinner with me tomorrow. I will be looking forward to it. I will see you then Katniss. But, before I go, I want to mention it doesn't feel right signing Your Fellow Victor anymore, so here's something different. It's nothing to drastic of a change, but it's not too formal.

Yours,

Peeta Mellark


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Katniss,

Dinner was wonderful tonight. I am happy you agreed to come. I have to admit, I thought you were going to decline yesterday. But, you didn't. And that made my life a little more worth living. I have been lonely. I haven't really seen Haymitch in a while, I should probably check in with him tomorrow, just to make sure he hasn't killed himself yet.

On a different topic, spring is coming. I can feel it. The nights are getting shorter, and the days longer. Pretty soon, all the snow will be gone too. I know what spring means to you. I know that it's when you feel the best. I wonder if you will feel okay this year, after everything. I bet once you feel the sun shine down on you, you will feel stronger than you have in ages.

Business at the bakery has been great. A lot of people have been coming in, and as more people return home, I'm sure it will only get busier. I have to go now, Katniss. I miss you already.

Yours,

Peeta Mellark


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Katniss,

I went to check on Haymitch this morning, I brought him bread and some other things from the bakery. When I went in, he was asleep at the table, knife in hand. I decided to let him sleep and left a note on the counter in his kitchen. The whole thing reminded me of the morning we left for our victory tour. When you woke him up and then I walked in. Then I thought about the night after we heard the Quarter Quell announcement, how I came down stairs, and you two were both nursing a hangover.

I remember that day as the day our lives fell apart. This was the day that lead up to the awful memories that we share. The murder. The betrayal. The war. Everything. And standing there in Haymitch's mess of a house, everything came rushing back to me. And that sent me back. Back to when I was recovering in District 13.

I rushed to my own house before reality slipped out from under me. I locked myself away for hours this afternoon. And while this happened, I realized it was the first time that I had an attack in a bit over six months. It's the longest I've gone. I'm starting to think that maybe, one day, they might go away. And if and when they do, you will be the first to know. I promise.

And now that I have made a promise to you, I am going to make a promise to myself. I promise that I, Peeta Mellark, will one day call you my wife. And now that it's on paper, I will not brake either promises.

Yours,

Peeta Mellark


	14. Chapter 14

Dear Katniss,

I'm going to ask you to have dinner with me again this Friday night. Unlike last time, it's going to be a date. I have to say the dinner we had a few weeks back was nice, but it wasn't what I expected it to be. There was a lot of silence between us, but it wasn't awkward at all. I think we have been through far too much together for things to be awkward.

Anyway, the bakery is going wonderful. With more and more people coming back to District 12 every week, business couldn't be better! I guess a lot of people need bread. I checked in with Haymitch this morning. It turns out he wasn't kidding when he said he was going to start raising geese. I walked over into his yard and there stood an entire flock.

I have to go now Katniss. I'm running a bit late, but I had to write to you.

Yours,

Peeta Mellark


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter written from Katniss to Peeta in reference to the letter in chapter thirteen.

Dear Peeta,

I found your letters. I didn't mean to, but they were just sitting out in the open. I am sorry to say that I read them. Before I go, I have one word for you:

Yes.

Always,

Katniss


End file.
